Fairytales

I was browsing in a book rental shop today.

I casually picked up “Beastly” because I was trying to get my book purchases up to more than $20 since i wanted to use NETS to pay of my purchase. I decided to read it first because the store owner told me that it was a teenage book and I need to return it in a month. (Adult books get 2 months).

In the beginning it just sounded quite cheesy. You know typically guy changed to a Beast and found love. It was my last choice so I didn’t really know what I was getting into and as I was reading it. After a few pages, I thought that it really reminded me of Beauty and the Beast. It was way later that it finally dawned on me that it was exactly what the Author was trying to do. I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised and glad to see elements of the classic Disney version of Beauty and the Beast being portrayed in an interesting way in the book. I thought it was a good rendition of the old school fairytales. Much like the recent Rapunzel that was shown.

As a sidetrack, I found and read the classic story of Rapunzel in my school’s library. I can’t believe that Rapunzel’s parents actually sold her out because the mom really wanted to eat some cabbage that the witch was growing in her garden!!! It’s crazy la! And then the prince actually tried to kill himself by jumping off the tower and he stabbed his eyes in the process. It’s really quite dark huh!  Rapunzel saw him and was sad and she cried. And as she cried 2 tears dropped into each of the prince’s eyes and they lived happily ever after. !?!?! I prefer the movie.

I was reminded me of the Christmas Hymns that was played during Christmas service in church. The band actually did an Electric Guitar intro for them. I loveeeeeed it! I think it was done by themselves and I thought that it was very well done! Did i say I love it? i loveed it!

Anyway i finished the book in a night and I decided to google it and… they’re making it into a movie.. and showing it in cinemas (Singapore ones) in May… It’s opening in early March in the US but of course it takes some time for it to travel here. Nonetheless, something that I quite look forward to, to see how it’s being done on film.

I think the story would be easy enough to capture on film (Since also everybody already knows the plot so they can concentrate on something else) without taking much of the details and elements away. So hopefully it’ll be goooood…

 

A new appreciation for Music

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

I’ve so not going to write about this. I’ve been stuck on it for DAYS.. explaining the unexplained 2nd disappearance here. Not to mentioned that work has been hectic… with a capital H-E-C-T-I and C. It’s been non stop work to home and crashing on bed for the last week. I didn’t even remember I had a personal email much less a blog.

Now that it’s the weekend, and i had some time to breathe… I’m back. at 10pm on a Sunday night, trying to prolong my happiness until it hits 11 and it’s time to go sleep because it’s up for another crazy week at work.

Soooo
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Well i wouldn’t say someone as I mean thing..

Dear Electric,

I have to say that I didn’t really got to know you until recently. I’ve always been more inclined towards your brother – the Acoustic. I mean he’s clean, he’s easy to get to know and i tend to go for clean and well shaven. And I’ve comfortable with him. Anyway I knew him much earlier than you, like, oh my 12 years ago. Eeeks, i’m old.

I always thought that you were loud, and flashy and you always steal center stage. And you were mainly used for heavy metal and crazy loud music which i kinda don’t like. And though I liked loved your solos, I did not know how to work with you. So I would think that you kinda intimidated me. And so I kept my distance. I was good with you in the band but as long as you did not interfere with Acoustic and me, I was pretty much fine.

I don’t know when it started, but I found a new appreciation for you when I realise that Acoustic couldn’t give me the depth of musical knowledge that I was looking for. I was kinda tired of just playing around with the same chords and I craved for a different kind of music, pitch and way of using my instrument. That’s when my gaze fell on you. I realised that you were sophisticated and free – to play and produce all different kind of sounds. While Acoustic provides me with the basic foundation and steadiness that I need. I wanted the free flow, decorative, additional err… thing that you provide in a song.

I decided to give you a chance. So i signed myself up for this course – that taught me the basics of using the Electric and how to work it. And the more I knew you, the more I wanted to know you. I am officially hooked. I have to say that you’re really hard to get to know, but classes helps. It breaks down the different techniques and taught me how to make it work with you. I’m not as comfortable with you yet because you are so…. complicated.

As in, it really takes quite a bit of musical knowledge to get to know. It’s really like playing the keyboard on the guitar. And I spent YEARS learning the keyboard – the notes in the chords, being comfortable with all the keys on the board and being able to freely play solo on it. As for the guitar, I’m still having trouble finding out which note is where on the fret board. I’m not all that familar with the techniques and I have tons of questions.

But I have to say you do add colour in my life. I love finding out more, learning something new. Finding a new appreciation for musical background that I have. It made me love music all over again! It brought me to another level which I didn’t have since I stabilized in my acoustic playing. Not that I’m perfect at it, but I couldn’t play comfortably and so I didn’t need to push myself any further. Electric is pushing me to up my skills and music knowledge and it has been fun to explore.

Comfortability – is something that we all seek after, but it makes such a lazy person out of us. Well. So I guess I’m happy, or at least grateful to report that I’m so not at all comfortable, in work, in my spiritual walk, in my relationships, in my music playing. But I’m finding a good in all that uncomfortableness.

Alrighty! Till we meet again. Hopefully tomorrow during practise,
e.

 

We all have a story

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Dear Marc,

Ah.. It is quite easy to decide on who to write on, since you pester my mind! So I just need to pick the first person that I actually think of a lot.  The challenge is… what to actually write to you….

I’ve learnt alot from you these past episodes. You started off just as a himbo, a gay assistant to a horribleeeee boss in the company. But as the story unfolds, your character is revealed and you come across as being very endearing. Although if I do know you well, I would know that you will HATE to hear that. But it’s true! You taught me that there is a always another side to any person. And i think that’s what attracted me to you in the first place.

You are blunt, straight forward, witty, crazy, and more than what meets the eye. You have your moments of sincerity, vulnerability and endearment. And i believe that speaks much of many that we see in the world today. Many times we forget that every harsh person has a soft side, every meek person has a courageous side, every seemingly superficial person do have a thoughtful side. Even Whilemina – your boss.

There is a story behind every person. And I, for one and very keen to know this other side of the story. Althought sometimes I do fall into the trap of just believing what I see, many times I try to remember that a 1 min encounter with a person does not determine the whole person. As someone that does interviews, this is what I try to do each time as I interview – going beyond the obvious.

I always have a vision, a far fetched fantasy of doing a short film, a video, a story based on the story behind every person on a bus. So setting the scene, someone goes to work and enters into the same bus at the same time. Everyone is doing their own business, but everyone has a story of their own to tell. Of course there cannot be a lot of people on the bus. Heh.

So Marc, You’re growing on me alot! I would loveee to know someone like you. Although I must then learn to cancel all the blunt, evil things you say when you’re being superficial, shallow Marc so that I can eventually know the other side of Marc. And because this side of you comes out so rarely, it is so precious.

It’s Season 3, Ep 8 right now, another 15 episodes and 1 season to go before you can take a break from my mind.

e.

 

A second shot

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

To the imaginary esther,

You kinda only appear in my imagination, because I guess i’m greedy and the person I would wanna be is perfect! And so i don’t think you exist anymore. At least the combination doesn’t really appear in anybody I know. Because it encompasses what you do, what you are, what you look like, etc etc.

I’m watching alot of episodes of Ugly Betty right now, and so she’s the first person that I thought of. I would love to be her because of her drive and passion to just go and do the things that she wants. But actually I want to be her more because she knows Marc, and I absolutely loveeee Marc. I’m actually watching Ugly Betty because of him right now.

Okay.. I digress.

I remember once during cell group and we were discussing about some things and one of the questions that we had to answer was: If you could live your life again, what would you do differently. My answer was, I guess I would choose to pursue a course that was more on the creative line. I would take up more courses that were along that line. I see SOTA and NAFA and Laselle and sometimes i wonder why I didn’t choose those schools. It’ll be wrong to say that I don’t enjoy HR. I enjoy it. I like that we work in the background and affect the organisation from there. I like that there is a realtionship with all areas of HR, setting up systems and structures and how that ultimately affects and changes the workings and culture of the company. I like the fact that we deal with the most difficult problem in the organisation – the people. Well. I’m talking about strategic HR, not the rubbish nonsense payroll, admin things that is just part and parcel of the admin, back-end of the organisation.

But while I’m doing all of that. okok, i don’t do all of that, i tend to do more rubbish, admin, backend work of the organisation like issue staff photo pass for all the staff and inform IT that they need to create a new email account for a new staff that’s coming. But that’s beside the point. My point is, that while I do think that I’m in the right field and I’m very grateful for being in this field, i can’t help but think if things would be a bit different if I were involved in more of the creative areas.

I like Arts. I like interior designing and architecture work, i loveee seeing blue prints. I like looking at graphic designs. I like to see the conceptual. I like creating and making things happen, and I like to do that at the background. So contrary to beliefs, I really don’t like organizing events.. or camps for that matter. I like to see people dance. I loveee good photography. I love good writings. I remember spending my days in Group M looking at fashion blogs and good photos on Flickr. They just amaze me so. And some parts of me wonder if I didn’t have to stop at just admiring but actually be the one producing such things.

Nonetheless, I am where I am right now. And maybe liking the arts and these part of the creative work stems from something deeper inside. (which i have no idea what.. yet) And there is a possibility that I can fulfill this inner  desire of mine even if I’m not trained in the creative arts. Maybe I just like creating – making something out of nothing. Seeing the abstract and conceptual being written, drawn, painted, portrayed in various mediums.

So, maybe I do have a second shot at this. I can continue pursuing this so-called imagination of mine and maybe one day, who knows I may actually be really doing what I am really passionate about.

e.

 

The source of my fantasy

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

How young do you have to be in order to consider yourself a child? 12? erm.. okay..

Dear Enid Blyton,

I can’t say how much I’ve been impacted by you! more than lady bird or any others. You were the one I spent most of my time with – or actually your books. I know all about the fantasy world that you have created out from your imagination. Oh! I suddenly realised where my love for fantasy come from.

Well. I have to say that you triumph over many other things in my life at that time. I remember getting scolded because I didn’t keep an eye on my sis while we were at the bookstore because I was so engrossed in your stories. I was the easiest kid to look after because all you have to do is get me started on one of your books and I’ll be quiet for the next few hours or so.

I look at the number of books that I have from your collection and I feel bad for my parents. Because they really spent alot of money on it. I remember lying on my bed most afternoons, poring through the pages of your books. Reading about elfs and gnomes, wishing trees, boarding schools and how you’re not suppose to make funny faces because it’ll stick when the wind changes direction. Oh by the way, this never seem to be a problem for us asian kids. As in my parents never really commented about my face and about the wind. Well, maybe it’s to stop the kids from sulking and pulling a face even when they’re unhappy.

You sparked off the love of books in me and I love you for that! Your hardcover books in bras brasah never fails to make me reminisce the past. Maybe one day I will visit the library and reread all of your books.

I took the liberty of wiki-ing you, apparently you were very famous for your noddy series. I’m sorry, i didn’t really like it.. BUT i love your naughtiest girl series, the Malory towers series and of course your magic faraway tree series… sighhh the bliss of getting drown in your stories. You are sooooo goood!

Your biggest fan,
e.

I don’t really remember the book looking like this… it was nicer in my memory.. but oh well.. this would work too.. it’s my favourite-est series ever.. second would go to the naughtiest girl one. I think it helped me to fulfill the secret naughty streak in me.

Ahhh fantasy: it allows me to live a life that I would probably never dare or have the chance to live. I think that’s probably the definition of a fantasy.

 

Set your eyes on things above

As promised, it usually slows down when it reaches the middle.. hopefully it’ll pick back up again. I’ve been crazily busy at work. The new year and new staff have made a mad woman out of me. I’ve been rushing around so much in the office that I go home with sore muscles from all the running around. This new year break is really very much a blessing.

Alright!

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Kimsan (pronouced as kim-san) [noun] : A native field worker in Cambodia, Phnom Phenh. YWAMer who schedules and arranges mission groups who visits Cambodia, helping out with translation work for the group. Also works with the orphanages and locals there in running events and daily operations.

Hi Kimsan,

It was about a year ago since we last met. Having my first mission trip in Cambodia has inevitably made me feel more for the happenings and situation in that country. It was my first exposure to missions and just being outside of Singapore and seeing the lives of the people in Cambodia. It wasn’t about the tourist attractions, nor was it about the food. It was solely for the people that were living in Cambodia. AndI guess it is that mindset that sets this trip apart from the other holidays and vacations that I’ve been to.

With it being the first, it opened my eyes to see what missions is and the potential of what it can be. And accompanying it, I feel for field workers like you, who labour in the fields.

People like me, come and go. We spend the maximum of 2 weeks there and then we’re back to our comfortable lives. When we were there, you were always so apologetic about the place we have to stay and the food we have to eat, etc. And I feel so bad that you have to actually be apologetic about it. We only have to eat it for a few days and you and your team always try to give us the very best that you have. But you are the one who have to live with this situation and face challenges of limited resources daily. And we go to your country, thinking that we are there to help. When in fact, it’ll be great if we don’t go and mess things up for you.

You always think that we are a blessing. In fact, you don’t know how much more we get out of your lives and how much more we are inspired by the life that you are living. Out of the little that you have, you gave. And that is something that we probably would never be able to learn unless we have been put in situations such as yours.

Someone once related to me. People in China are being persecuted, they live under tremendous pressure and they go through alot just to be part of your kingdom. When crying out to God, God told them that the reason why they are going through these persecution is so that when they eventually return to heaven, they will not be poor anymore. They will be rich because they have been storing up treasures in heaven. My heart goes out to people like this and I long to be part of this team that live solely for the Kingdom of God; those who are willing to give up everything they have in faith that You will provide everything that they need.

It humbles me to hear that because people living in comfortable lifes like me will probably never be able to truly experience the dependency that you have on God. To see the extent of His power and grace. And i crave for experiences such as these.

So please take heart. I know it’s not easy. But like these people in China, you are storing up treasures in heaven and one day you will return to heaven rich. So I don’t have much to give, just an assurance that greater glory will await all who sacrifice everything for His Kingdom.

Sincerely,
e.

 

Clearing out the shoe cabinet

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Urghh did I say that I really don’t like these kinda topic..  First of all, they HAVE to specify a person. I was going to write to a thing.. or an event.. and then they have to add in MOST. like is there really a basis for comparison?

While I mull over the topic, I shall tell you what I did yesterday. I was on leave! In fact I’ve started my long leave taking from Friday, 17 and it stretches all the way to today. Well, I would really really miss my leave the most. So I shall spend this post talking about my leave.

Since it’s coming to the end of the year, I decided to be the filial daughter that I am and bring my family out for lunch. So i made all of them take leave to spend the afternoon together. So we went to Sizzler for lunch and then we went for a little shopping.

We went to New look. And New Look is now giving away $10 vouchers at their doorstep for all regular priced shoes. So we almost sprinted in and grabbed nice shoes. Long story short, I went home a happy person with 2 pairs of shoes.

I cleared my shoe cabinet at home and slotted in my 2 nice new pairs of shoes. And it was like I was in a spring cleaning rampage, because later I went to clear my clothes cupboard and my shelves to start clearing things. And i realized….

I have a lot of things!

I have too many pairs of shoes. Too many clothes. Too many stuff. Things that are bought, stashed and forgetten. I probably only use 10% of my things regularly. The others are left to collect dust and take up space. All these things that were calling out my name on the shelves at the shop are now only 5% used and then left at the back of my shelf.

The more I cleared, the more acutely aware of how many things I owned. And I wasn’t only half done. I still had other unpacked miscellaneous things on my study table, drawers and the like. As I looked around the house, to the many cupboards, shelves, boxes, things that belong to my family members. We are really living in abundance. Many things bought at the spur of the moment and used so little.

I can safely say that I’m not a spendthrift. I think much before I get things. But even then, I have no way of explaining the massive amount of products that I have at home. I guess, it hit me so hard because I could not account to God why these amount of things are in my possession, when there is a possibility of the money yielding eternity fruits in other areas. I cannot account to God why I need 10 pairs of shoes, a Wii Console, 10 sheets of nose pack, 2 packets facial masks, etc etc.

And for someone who have seen the poverty in other places. I wonder how would they feel if they came to my house and see these amount of things that I have! If I will come across as hypocritical when I say that God will meet their needs. And all of these things are considered luxurious because they are more than what I need.

I guess my point is this. It’s probably not that it’s wrong to have these things.  But wasting things. That’s when my conscious starts to do some real stirring in my heart. And I am guilty of wasting.

If every change starts with awareness, I”m looking at fresh eyes that things that I see around me. And I hope this awareness will start reminding me to live with minimum. Just enough.

If I truly have a resolution for the new year. This is something that I really want to work on. So next time if you are in the shop together with me and I’m holding something in my hands. Please slap me on the head (or actually you can skip the slapping) and make me explain to you why I would need to buy all these things. Because one day, I’m pretty sure i have to give an account to how I’m spending the money that God is giving me. So might as well start now.

 

A toast to Friends

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

erm.. Drifted away frommm…

Hi Gab,

There’s something that always gets in the way of relationships. It happens to many and is probably always the cause of drifted relationship. And that’s probably the reason why we drifted apart too.

That thing is called life.

There’s a season where everything in our lives seems to coincides. We were both students. We go to the same church. We both served in the worship team. We were in the same cell group. We had the same friends. We even had the same phone.

When I think of us, I think of Saturday mornings at your place playing basketball. It was always just 2 of us. Why it was the case, I have no idea. But i remember going to your place every Saturday morning. Playing one on one with you. Getting trashed. Drinking 100 plus. Or orangina.  Then going to church together. Having lunch together. And jogging beside you while we were rushing to Pemimpin because your strides were too big! The best part of all of these, was when we played bball with the others.. MUAHAHHA we would be such a great pair. loveeee being in your team.

We were close. It was always comfortable with you. We could go anywhere together, do anything together.

You were a brother that I never had. A loyal friend. With my lousy relationship maintaing skills, you probably did most of the work trying to keep our relationship together even as our schedule drifted us apart.

You went to NS, I went to Uni. Then I started working while you considered going overseas to study. We now went to separate church, left youth ministry. No longer played in the worship team together. It took much more to meet up and have meals together. Or probably have common topics because we were in such a different stage of our lives. But you are persistent, I don’t think that ever stopped you from trying to keep in contact and all. Noticed I said you? Because I know I was really bad at that.

Eventually you went to Aust, and our communications… ceased..

It’s ok. Well, for someone who really didn’t do much, I can’t complain much can I? =P But I understand that this is what happens and it’s ok. We have different seasons, different period of our life. In fact, it’s quite impossible to insist that things cannot change.

Our lives may not meet that often, and our communications are kinda thin. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t friends. Nor stop caring about each other as much as we had in the past. It doesn’t mean that memories fade. It still means that we still wish the best for each other. It doesn’t mean that we ceased being friends.

So, it seems perfect that at this end of the year. As we toast to friends. You are remembered.

Love,
Ruoling

 

I wish you well

It does takes quite a bit of discipline to keep writing. I miss yesterday’s. I had no idea what to write about. And i thought it’ll be better today, but nooooo…

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Dear S____,

Well I haven’t spoken to you for the longest time. And i don’t know if i would remember how you look like even if i saw you again. But i never stopped thinking if i should have done more for you.

You were probably p6 going to Sec 1 when i first knew you. I was say. 19? Somehow, something attracted me to you and you adopted me as your elder sister. You messaged me alot. Telling me about your day when you were happy or sad. Updating me about your circumstances. In return I gave you some advice on basic day to day studying techniques and how you should cope with circumstances in your family. You gave me little presents and notes to show your love and I accepted it.

Even with such a age gap, I found you starting to hang out with me and my friends after church. You really liked our company and wanted to go where we went and tag along in all circumstances. At first it was ok, because we thought you needed some friends and you were also facing some problems at home. But as time passed by, we realised that we couldn’t do a lot of things or say a lot of things because you were there with us. It wasn’t your fault. I was like the older sister who didn’t like my younger siblings hanging out with my mutual friends. On the other hand, you liked the company of the big sisters and brothers and you followed us and you were too young to understand otherwise.

By and by, it became tiring having you tag along. We had to take care of you, answer your mom when she calls and made sure you reached home safe. It didn’t help that you preferred our company rather than being at home, so it was always a battle trying to get you to go home early. As time passed, we had to go back early to accommodate your timing. I was tired of having to inform your parents where you were and to be accountable for your safety.

Unlike mei mei whom i have a responsibility towards her to take care and made sure she’s ok, i did not have that same kind of responsibility for you.

I was young and I admit that there should have been a better way to deal with this. But at that time, I decided that we should stop hanging out and hand you back to your parents. We refuse to let you follow us. We always made sure you went home with your parents after church. I cut down much on my return smses although politely i still recieved your gifts because i didn’t know how to reject you face to face.  I limited our conversation to minimum in church and tried to have you find friends your age.

Slowly we drew apart.

You did find friends your age. But apparantly it wasn’t good for you. You gradually hated studying and I saw the downturn of your emotions. I didn’t dare to go near to you anymore because I didn’t know how to talk to you or what I should do.  Eventually you stopped coming to church altogether.

That was many years ago and I don’t know how you are doing now. I don’t know how you reacted to having someone suddenly drawing away from you. I would reacted differently at this age and time. But it happened when I was young and naive and it was the first occurrence for me.

So all i could do now, is to pray. That God will look over you, protect you, guard your heart and mind and bless you tremendously. May you do well in your studies and know where you would like to further it in ITE, Poly, JC or Uni. And if I have hurt you or offended you by my actions, I pray that God will heal these wounds and cover it with His love.

I wish you well.

Love,
e.

 

Nameless & Ordinary

It’s a tough one for me today..

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

I don’t generally wish for such things.. And I’m very blessed that all those whom I’ve formed close relationships with has not passed away. And I don’t know anyone whom I have a desperate need to talk to.

But if I have to choose:

Dear unknown missionary,

I’m sorry I don’t know your name. In fact not many people knew you, they were not aware of your birth or death. Unlike others you were not written about, talked about or celebrated. It is highly possible that comparatively, you did not make much impact and influence in your earthly life.

You may not have been given a proper burial, your body dumped carelessly. You may have only been remembered and mourned by those closest to you. None has heard your story.

But you died for a bigger cause. A cause beyond yourself. You died because you saw a bigger purpose and calling beyond what is attainable on this earth.

You probably died alone, in pain. In fact, death may be more a release than your earthly life. You would probably have struggled, been persecuted. Beaten, mocked and jeered.

No one would have even paid much attention to you. You were just another face in the crowd. Nameless. Probably killed in a mass massacre or gun rampage against those who were Christians. Your death and life was not memorable or glamourous. You were nobody to the eyes of your persecutors. They may not even see a need torture you.

Yet you died because you insisted that you could not deny the God whom you have been serving. A simple reason. That you cannot deny that One whom you have been depending on all these years. You saw those killed before you and yet you stood by your faith.

Backtrack a few years. You are proably those who faithfully read the bible. May have a few things in your life you are still workin on being right in His eyes. Yet your heart was constantly pursuing Him and His greater glory.

You died believing that He is real and will eventually reign. You died without seeing the fulfillment of His glory. With not one thunderous, lightening incident in your life. But you placed your faith in His closeness and reality.

The world was not worthy of you. You held on by faith.
Unnoticed on earth, you will be highly esteemed in heaven. You were neither strong, noble nor rich, yet you were chosen and you delivered.

One day, I hope I will see you. Clothed in His glory standing in His inner courts. Because God also chooses the nameless and ordinary.

My heart is quicken and I am excited and humbled.

I want to be you. Ordinary, unknown, yet fervently living for God’s kingdom and glory.

Your fellow soldier,
e.