Esther

I woke up today and everything seem to have one objective. Frustrate Ruoling..

1) The sun was shining directly at the seat i was going to sit

2) I got to print chords, and my printer just DIDN’T work.. obviously i attributed it to the brand.. bad expriences ah.. but ended up realising that it was because my printer was NOT connected to my computer at all! -_-” after it was connected, i must say it worked very well..

3) My house desktop just keeps hanging..

4) the internet connection decides to breakdown (for a few minutes that is) because it’s working fine again.

5) ok la. there’s no more 5 unless you count HOT, HUMID weather as one of them.

I… am frustrated.. but now i’m ok liao. My dad cook nice food for us. And a frustrated email is still sitting as a draft in my gmail. So i’m glad i didn’t send it out. And blogging about it at least… in a way.. help me vent my anger on something. All in all, i think my parents got the worse end of the deal. Because they were just sitting a few steps away from me when all of these happened. Especially my mom.. haha

I’m 22, and yet when emotion rages in me. I tend to want to do childish things…

Like lose my temper and scream at somebody, or fling my hands in despair and walk away, or wallow in self pity, or kill somebody (ok la.. i’m kidding about that one..)

But.. what can i gain from that..

It’s weird how I can be so eager to leave just yesterday (not to mention the last 2 weeks.. or er.. months?) .. and then today I’m not quite ready to leave the company yet. I couldn’t really sleep yesterday (explains why i’m extra sleepy today) because i kept thinking about my leaving. *

I was making something for my supervisor and closer friends in the company (haha as usual ah.. i did that in four seasons too) and then I suddenly feel very sad that i’m leaving. haha. Anyway it was so nice giving it to them today. They were SOOOOOO shock and it was so nice to see them so surprised and thinking why I’m giving them something in the first place, and hear all their thank yous. Haha it’s nice to hear people so appreciative of something you do. Haha maybe cos it was that unexpected.. maybe… I haven’t give out cards for a very long time. HAHA My supervisor was “but but but but but why?” which i didn’t know how to answer… hahha sooooooooooo funny!

I wanted to take pictures of the cards… It’s a card but doubled up as a packaging for a bar of chocolate i got for them la.. so… my mei mei say very nice.. which i shall unashamedly agree too. haha i don’t know why i decided not to take pictures in the end. If it wasn’t for the fact that my measurements were not THAT accurate so it ended up a little too small for the bar, and that the chocolate MELTED like it was pure liquid in the packaging, i would have loved it more… oh well.. it’s just that when you’re the one doing it, these flaws stand out in the face more. Right? Cos you want it to be p-e-r-f-e-c-t..

I had a treat in Secret Recipe together with 2 of my bosses and my colleague. The food was good… but er… i rather it stick to ONE boss and my colleague. HAHA so bad right? Sorry…

So all in all, I’m actually quite glad to get out of work (i’m sure in the long run and for a better purpose still) but somehow everything seems nice and dainty on the last day of work. It’s always like that ah… somehow when it’s over, you forget all the lousy parts of the job.. And because i’m leaving, I’m more casual with my boss, so he’s more like a friend. So.. *sigh* i’m sad…

They asked me what’s Tung Ling about and what I’ll be learning there. Frankly speaking, I don’t know the details.. It’s very unlike courses in University where you check out the course and know exactly what you’re getting into. For me, it’s really a time of seeking God. I know a little bit about the modules (i can’t remember them actually) and I’m excited for it. But more than that, i’m excited about the time i get to spend there just studying about God and wholeheartedly seeking Him and just always studying about God. Ok did that make sense? There are some things that is very difficult to put down in words

Anyway i just got my paycheck! haha mei mei you can claim your ding tai feng already. Don’t eat fish and co la.. i don’t like liao… (this message is EXCLUSIVELY for mei mei and my family ONLY!) hahaha privilege of being family ok…

Today is my last day…. did i say that my boss is very nice.. He is very nice… Immediate supervisor that is. He made the whole leaving process very difficult… ahhhh i so sad. How to find another supervisor in another company that is so nice. You tell me? So difficult…

*ok la.. i thought about leaving in general. People leaving, leaving companies, leaving schools. So.. past memories.. that are always there. but better left at the altar.

Because Ms Ruth Fong Liling requested for me to update my blog (which she also didn’t), I have decided to do so.

Er..

hmm…

Ah…

okay…

I’m lost for words… (with all to say.. Lord you take my breath away)

okay! this is really not working.. *thinks for another 3 minutes*

Stone…

ah.. i’m so sleepy..

oh! Today i was having worship practise with Uncle Joshua’s team for next Sunday. And erm.. it’s very different from youth. We so sheltered there. We start, and we flow with Mr Joshua, and then we just tweak things from there. Anyway, after the practise, i bumped into him and he told me that on sunday when I’m serving, make that that i can hear myself. So.. it’s quite a weird thing to say, so i asked him why. So he said that something like I get drowned out by the other music because they are playing so loudly and yet i don’t go over to up my own volume. Aiyoh.. i was very touched. I didn’t expect him to notice such small stuff you know.

But that nice gesture aside, I don’t like upping my volume that much, because it risk the chances that the other musicians might not hear themselves, and they’ll up their volume some more. So the whole place end up being one with a few self-absorbed musicians playing hard on their instruments so that they can be heard. But at least i’m comforted to know the fact that I’ll still be able to be heard in the house because those are controlled at the sound booth about 300 m away from the team.

I reached church at about 825am today. And sat at the projection seat, praying and going through the songs. The worship team haven’t started practising yet. Uncle David was playing some jazzy tune on the keyboard. Wah. the ambiance quite nice leh.

I’m coming into my last week of work. Which I was actually looking forward to, but because of the demands of life and something called “Saving for a rainy day” and the fact that i’m 22 already and financial concerns are more than just having money to last me throughout the month. I’m thinking of continuing part time in the company. But i haven’t ultimately decided yet although if I’m giving the chance, i would most likely take up the job. The only catch is that, they have already found a replacement for me….. =X so i don’t know how they’re going to solve this problem if I choose to stay on. It’s all in God’s plan la. So.. I’ll just trust and walk on.

It’s sewing class day tomorrow one of the highlights of the week ok!

Gabriel! In the end, you never tell me what you want to tell me lor! i told you to tell me already right, and not to always leave it to the end of service! You better faster tell me!

After a busy busy weekend, I slept at 10:30pm yesterday after putting on rice mask (nicely gotten for me by Mary Sim). In my very very sleepy condition, I didn’t seem to notice any difference that it made my face (whether brighter or filled with moisture) it did feel fresher though, but I’m wondering if it’s just because to put the mask, I need to wash my face.. So, i shall give another commentary on Rice Mask another day when I’m more awake when i put it.

Ok.. let’s start from Saturday. After a 3 hours practice on Saturday morning, i went for youth to have another 1+ hours of practice for youth service (i was leading) and then we had cell group event in T3. I can’t describe how happy I was that Lichu and Abby were the ones organising and settling the games and sharing session. Could finally relax and just enjoy. Had a surprise by my cell group! I totally didn’t expect it! Plus, it’s been so long since my birthday was over.

Clovis say “Who ask you to surprise me on my birthday! Now your turn!”

Haha well, it wasn’t a bad ‘retribution’ to get though. I reached  home at about 1245, bathed and was asleep at 1am. Fast ah? Was so tired. The next day i dragged myself up and went for service at 7:45pm. My mom dragged my dad up from his sleep to send me there. =X haha they didn’t want me to take a taxi there. So good la! i save money.

For all those who are concern at how it went, it was okay. But tiring to serve. Cause we got to stand for hours playing. But cannot compare to the backups. At least i wasn’t wearing heels and during prophesy time i could discreetly sit down at the steps behind. NO WONDER the guitarist always disappears behind the stage after worship! A note to all main service servicer, the lights behind are very good for thawing! Brian And i were warming ourselves at those lights. And during altar call, Brian played a warmed flute. Cool ah. Haha But right now the fingers pressing down on the strings has upped their defense mechanism and put on extra LAYERS of skin. It’s very hard now. and still reddish sore-ish from yesterday.

But worth it la! muahaha i had good reports on my playing by the audio people, whose comments i take more seriously actually. So thank God! It was a very good first time playing experience. And it’s near IMPOSSIBLE to play on Sunday if you can’t play by ear. Almost everything is impromptu.

Oh. and i was called on to pray during the prayer in the worship team. It’s been quite some time since I was nervous when I’m called to pray. So had a little adrenaline rush before worship started. haha

And i just got to say that Sister Elma’s voice is NICE! We were practising for anniversary, and while I was listening to her sing, i almost slept la. So soothing! After a bowl of tang yuan and a nice talk with Victor on the way home, i finally reached home after all the activities of the weekend, bathed, plonked down on my sofa-like bench at home, ate a father’s day dinner, continued on that sofa until 930 to which i announced to my sister that I’m going to sleep. But still continued to hang around a while more in front of the tv, watching “You are the one” and got sianified that Shi qian wasn’t the one who won and amused myself with Kim Ng’s reasons to which why the guys should be the one winning.

And then i felt like a Sims character who’s energy bar is blinking red with only 1% of energy left. To prevent myself from just collapsing to the ground in exhaustion, i went to sleep. Which marked my end of the weekend.

It’s monday today and I’m so free at work. Haha. I have cleared everything on my plate, so I’m just waiting for more work to come in. 2 more week! Countdown has begun.

Oh ya. because of yesterday’s “You Said” I digged out Pearle’s hillsong cd collection in 2000 and am listening to it now. So nice… and refreshing. And I’m going to download 4 Kent Henry’s cd from Kalai this Sunday! I know.. oldie .

Today seemed like a long day. But i’m home already, bathe, relaxed with clean and clear nose patch thingy on me. I’m waiting for it to dry with anticipation that it would extract all blackheads! It’s not as good as i would like it to be, but nonetheless, even if it pulls out ONE blackhead it’s good. Better to have 99 blackheads than 100 right? ya!

Anyway! for the past 2 nights and tonight was birthday celebration for me! Yesterday with my family, we had steamboat. Was very 温心。And i liked it alot, before we actually ate, my parents and sis actually sang birthday song for me. Was surprised at that act. And then, today Ms Mary Sim, Wilfred and Joy came to celebrate for me too. Gave me a very nice cake (Mary say bigger than what Pearle got for me ) It has my name on it too! nice ah! And while we were chit-chatting, we saw Uncle Joshua and his wife having time alone with each other. Soooooooo sweet!

Oh ya, i so need to say this. My sis bought vouchers from MWL for me. (if you have read her blog you would have known) THANK YOU! i haven’t said thank you to her you know? So i need to proclaim my thanks to her here. Haha. I think i’m going to buy a stamp set!! Cos it’s usually so expensive that i can’t bear to fork out money to pay for it. So now, Sim mei mei got vouchers for me, it’s like a totally valid excuse to go shop there lor! muahahha!

I bought a book today. Again. i have plenty of books to read now, so it’s time to stop buying and start reading. Praying that these books would impact and inspire and I would not just bombard myself with information and not act upon these knowledge.

A friend, now working in Prudential met up with me to talk about insurance and retirement plan. 55 years old seem very far away ah, but i realise the importance to plan financially la. Even if Jesus is coming back soon. Pray for Wisdom! Now that i’ve become an adult and started in the working world, there’s more to think and plan about other than exam studying schedule. And these plans affect my future and my family’s too.

Ok, it’s time to sleep and take off the nose patch and see how many blackheads are pulled up with it!!!!!!!

[edit] yay! many many blackheads came out!

These are copic markers!!! (oh it’s kop from their website; so credits given, no plagiarism or copyright issues ah)

And they are not just expensive, they are SUPER expensive. But these are markers specially created for creative people (as their tag says) but they forget to add that it’s for rich people too. But the quality is good and it’s very nice to blend and all. And it’s used in illustrations for comics and movies and products. BUT it’s expensive….

It’s obviously not for people like me… A set of 36 markers cost 100+ dollars and the set of 72 cost near $300. That’s not including shipping fee. So it must cost a bomb here. I shall stick to my *i forget the brand name* water colour pencils. Or maybe give myself a treat by buying 3 copic markers: 2 skin colour and 1 for blending. Or! I can get a better set of colour pencils! that sounds more exciting than 3 copic markers.

Anyway i also don’t know if i’m doing it for long… so NO copic markers for Esther.

Ok.. that’s me.. haha

Today was the day i went back to work after church camp. It was horrible. the working part, so sian. I had 143 unread emails of which 120 of them were work-related! and the other 20 was just send to me wrongly. I had to spend the whole morning reading my mails… and stopping myself from annoucing to my colleagues that today is my birthday leh… The only redeeming factor was that IT IS my birthday and i had a lot of well wishes (thank you all you people who messaged me), so that made things better. And that i had sewing class at night.

Talking about sewing class, digress, my teacher now gives us sample cloth every week, for us to use it to design clothes leh. I seem to be the only one excited about it, and went back to class today to hao lian-ly show my teacher my work piece. And i was the ONLY one who did it lor. But i want to see the other designs of my friends there also…. *whine whine*

After sewing class at 930, i was walking home and thinking.. Sian, is this how my birthday is going to end… when suddenly on the way back, i saw two figures talking and laughing and then one of them suddenly scream. IT WAS PEARLE!! haha she wanted to surprise me by meeting me at my sewing class and happy birthday me, but in the end i ended class early and saw her while they were walking to meet me. So i was standing there stunned, and Pearle was screaming, and Mei mei was laughing away.

Nonetheless, THANK YOU PEARLE. For the heart to plan this surprise, to spend money on expensive book and the strawberry birthday cake (because they got no mango) and to come all the way to tampines to celebrate for me. Actually if it’s without Pearle, my birthday would have passed like any other day. so thank you! She came to my house and made everybody laugh…

PS: The sun on the cake is suppose to represent a candle… and it’s very reflective hor, really like sun. And mei mei seem like the birthday girl instead. She so happy! Haha she very jealous that pearle treat me like queen because today my birthday.

Oh no… i can’t stand another day of work already… =( how can these working people survive day after day, week after week, month after month, working and working and working… bleh..

Sometimes I don’t know how the things i like to do, and can do relatively well in, can ever fit into God’s end time plan. And if they are just frivilous things and has nothing to do with God, should i even bother doing it. But it’s the things i like! So why do i have those desires in the first place? If there’s a reason why God gave me those desire, then they must be a way to do it to glorify God, but i don’t see how it can at the moment..

.end.no more.finish.i cannot type anymore.if not i’ll say something i don’t want to say.

Pearle is my Just-go-and-do-the-right-thing friend. And i think it partially comes from her simple desire to be right with God only. In contrast to me, when sometimes I just think too much about the consequences of my actions rather than just doing what God ask. Everyone needs a friend like Pearle, to set perspective right and by her simplicity of facing decision making in life and her trust in God that He will be with her through every aspects of her life. And of course to Wilfred and Pastor Phua who just have to share the right message at the right time. And to God who diligently chase after me, just so that I’ll draw closer to me through this.

It wasn’t a big decision, neither was it a big issue, neither did it has disastrous consequences in doing what God ask me to do. But it did deal with several big issues in my life that I’ve been asking God to deal with. Always, always be careful what you pray for.. muahhaha because God hears prayers.

Anyway everything is over. And I’m so relieved. The big stone in my heart that has been there since Saturday night, lasted through the whole of Sunday and this morning is finally gone. Praise God for His grace.

“Let God face the music with you” Pearle