Is there a reason why I can be working well (in fact, more than well) for a few weeks and suddenly i feel myself losing momentum and sinking deeper and deeper into dissatisfaction.

Is there a reason why i can be doing and doing and suddenly nothing seems to excite me anymore. I get discontented and everything just fades off into a grey.

Suddenly i don’t feel like doing anything or communicate with anybody at the work place. I don’t drag my feet into the office in the morning but i can’t wait to get out of work at 5.30. All i want to do is to be in a cold aircon room, wear a snug cardigan and bury my head in endless sleep. I think that attitude is evident in my work performance. That’s bad. But I just can’t get myself out of it. It’s a whole stretch of nothingness in the vast yellow sand.

I keep seeking something higher, something more. But i never know whether that dissatisfaction is holy and godly or just a pure complain-y spirit. I seem to be seeking but not knowing what i seek anymore.

I’m too young to be feeling like this. I should be stirred and passionate and motivated. And just burning with excitement and passion with bright hopes, dreams and expectations for the future. How did i EVER come to this stage.

For some strange reason.. i just want to play my guitar and sing. In recent times, i’ve been spotted to randomly start singing. It happened in TL during lectures where i just HAVE to sing the song that is in my head. It happens during meeting when people are engrossed in their discussion and i wander off in my head and the next thing i know everybody’s looking at me because I’m singing a song. It happens during lunch. And now it’s happening at work. I do like the feeling of that though. So i shall not try to stop it.

OOH i just remembered. Usually I would tell my sis about it but since she’s still on the plane to France and uncontactable. I would have to suffice with blogging. I was changing in my room today when SUDDENLY this HUGE lizard landed on the floor. It sounded like a glob of jelly landed SPLAT.. just like that. Followed by a “AH!”. that’s from me. And the lizard scampered up this storage thing that we have. So i left it as that. There’s no point in this, this information is only useful to my sis who lives in the same house and room.

The lizards in my house are huge because they have an unlimited supply of juicy insects to eat. There are probably generations of mosquitoes in my house. Just yesterday after one visit to the toilet, i killed a fat mosquito bursting with blood in my toilet (that’s probably the female, cos the females are the one that suck blood and etc.) then i killed another mosquito.. this one has no blood but it was big. Then later! I killed a small mosquito.. I think they belong to the same family and were going to have a feast on MY blood. See the sumptuous buffet that lizards have when they stay in my house.. They probably invite their whole clan to come feast together.

My body hates work. It breaks down ever so often these days..

It’s only 11.30am!