Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
To the imaginary esther,
You kinda only appear in my imagination, because I guess i’m greedy and the person I would wanna be is perfect! And so i don’t think you exist anymore. At least the combination doesn’t really appear in anybody I know. Because it encompasses what you do, what you are, what you look like, etc etc.
I’m watching alot of episodes of Ugly Betty right now, and so she’s the first person that I thought of. I would love to be her because of her drive and passion to just go and do the things that she wants. But actually I want to be her more because she knows Marc, and I absolutely loveeee Marc. I’m actually watching Ugly Betty because of him right now.
Okay.. I digress.
I remember once during cell group and we were discussing about some things and one of the questions that we had to answer was: If you could live your life again, what would you do differently. My answer was, I guess I would choose to pursue a course that was more on the creative line. I would take up more courses that were along that line. I see SOTA and NAFA and Laselle and sometimes i wonder why I didn’t choose those schools. It’ll be wrong to say that I don’t enjoy HR. I enjoy it. I like that we work in the background and affect the organisation from there. I like that there is a realtionship with all areas of HR, setting up systems and structures and how that ultimately affects and changes the workings and culture of the company. I like the fact that we deal with the most difficult problem in the organisation – the people. Well. I’m talking about strategic HR, not the rubbish nonsense payroll, admin things that is just part and parcel of the admin, back-end of the organisation.
But while I’m doing all of that. okok, i don’t do all of that, i tend to do more rubbish, admin, backend work of the organisation like issue staff photo pass for all the staff and inform IT that they need to create a new email account for a new staff that’s coming. But that’s beside the point. My point is, that while I do think that I’m in the right field and I’m very grateful for being in this field, i can’t help but think if things would be a bit different if I were involved in more of the creative areas.
I like Arts. I like interior designing and architecture work, i loveee seeing blue prints. I like looking at graphic designs. I like to see the conceptual. I like creating and making things happen, and I like to do that at the background. So contrary to beliefs, I really don’t like organizing events.. or camps for that matter. I like to see people dance. I loveee good photography. I love good writings. I remember spending my days in Group M looking at fashion blogs and good photos on Flickr. They just amaze me so. And some parts of me wonder if I didn’t have to stop at just admiring but actually be the one producing such things.
Nonetheless, I am where I am right now. And maybe liking the arts and these part of the creative work stems from something deeper inside. (which i have no idea what.. yet) And there is a possibility that I can fulfill this inner desire of mine even if I’m not trained in the creative arts. Maybe I just like creating – making something out of nothing. Seeing the abstract and conceptual being written, drawn, painted, portrayed in various mediums.
So, maybe I do have a second shot at this. I can continue pursuing this so-called imagination of mine and maybe one day, who knows I may actually be really doing what I am really passionate about.
e.
