Dry seasons

They come… after a rainy season. Because if it’s not rainy, it’s dry. haha

 

This week hasn’t been a smooth sailing week i must say. With so many issues important to me at this stage of my life bombarding me at one time, i felt like helpless rag doll being thrown around, hit by the things that come my way. Unable to make a stand, unable to affect my circumstances. What seemed to be a “noble”, “God-inspired” decision, suddenly turns around and slaps me on the face, shoots me at the feet, leaving me with that familar 自作自受 conclusion.

 

But after having a tears-at-the-brim-of-my-eyes,-biting-my-lips-hard,-blinking-my-eyes-so-much-so-that-tears-wouldn’t-fall conversation on the way home, I was given a different perspective. To look at things from another angle, place God’s kingdom and eternal purpose once again at the center of all life’s events and allowed me to see that Christianity is so much more. I went out with certain questions in my  heart, practical issues that one could never run away from. I didn’t ask these questions and naturally don’t have the answers to them. But these questions are tamed down, because God’s currency, God’s kingdom, God’s system is in another dimension where though these questions are valid, they don’t have to be answered before I start moving.

 

Not that i’ve already got all my ducks in a row, not that i’ve already attained it. But i press forward to that higher calling, upward goal in Christ. So that I will one day have that abundant life Jesus came to give.

 

All these are just part of the preparation. May i be ready when He calls.

 

a new journey

Aiyo.. before this dean’s list thing gets out of hand… all because of Pearle’s blog.. (hahaha but i gotta admit that your entry VERY sweet… ) Being in dean’s list just means that I’m very favoured by God and to me, it is really an assurance from God that SOM is His will in this period and He was with me from beginning to end. And He’s just really good to me. Comparing myself to other dean’s lister, i see no reason why i should stand alongside them, except that God has counted me in for such an honour, to no glory of mine. So to all who are really happy for me, like oth, pearle, bee, wilfred, ruth, mary, u5. A great big thank you! What truly matters is that when we go up to heaven, we’re in God’s list.

Oh to all who’s wondering what’s the thing in the present i got, it’s a journal. A very nice, pink journal which i haven’t use yet, because i have alot of other journals. haha.

It’s the end of emo week. A week I’ve given to myself to reminisce about good times in TL and friendships forged, and so one week has passed and it’s time to move on. I was in Changi Airport and weirdly, I took a SUPER out of the way, long walk to the toilet. and this poster caught my eye.

It did, because… all those who have seen the Tung Ling magazine would realise that it’s the same!

see the resemblance… Can’t deny that God has something to say. And He uses really interesting means to put it across. But one thing i really thank God for is that, when He speaks, He’ll say it in a way that we”ll understand and know that He’s the one speaking.

Current Status: Looking for jobs and unwittingly getting frustrated at the whole process of doing it. Now that TL is over and a clear direction is not here yet, can’t help but feel a little lost and helpless at this whole situation. But like i told the cell group, I’ve tasted God’s goodness before and I will remember it, trusting that He will lead me as long as my heart is right before Him.

Anyway today i take a lot of nice pictures for pearle. The $7000 pro photographer say nice ok..

 

Today…

I hurt Jesus.

What started off as a calefare role in the upcoming drama spin off so many thoughts and feelings in me. Somehow the scene of “Jesus” cowering down under the rain of bottles and angry stares of the mob never really left my mind since afternoon.

At first, i thought, nooooo how can i do this!! He’s Jesus leh. It’s such a huge sin to do it! Then it suddenly dawn on me. The gentle reminding of the Holy Spirit, the slow realisation that I AM one of those who hurled abuse at Jesus, hurt Him, scolded Him, and crucified Him. I already did the huge sin. If there’s anything such as “huge sin” to begin with.

A God, mighty, powerful, magnificient, worshipped by angels, creator, all knowing, all presence, eternal, yet willing submit Himself to the abuse of mere man – one whom He created, created to worship Him. When i thought about these things today, it blew my mind. Why would He do such a thing? Who am I that He would do it? Would i ever be able to comprehend how much the Father must have hurt to allow Jesus to go through this? How would i ever be able to understand what exactly happened at this point in history?

So… in the light of all these thing. Is it really too much for God to ask for my life? For Him to ask me to give up worldly pleasures and pursue Him? He did it…

 

All about school

It’s currently 10:20pm and usually on a typical normal weekday, I’ll be in bed by now, either reading something or in the state of semi consciousness and dream world. But it’s different today because I had dinner late (like at 9:15pm) so with all the rumors of gaining weight if one sleeps straight after dinner, i bravely bear the consequences of a less than 8 hours of sleep and venture in to unknown territory of sleeping later than 10pm. This courage was also fan up by the 1hr of nap that i had in the afternoon on the computer table.

 

To prevent myself from actually caving into temptation, I decided to update my blog with current happenings of my life.

 

School has been great.. as usual. Except for that minor hiccup on monday when i was forcibly volunteered to lead Singspiration (it’s like worship but more upbeat i guess) on our Fun nite (yes it’s spelled this way). I wasn’t very willing maybe because i didn’t want to get caught into the same situation of doing something just because i had the obligation to do it yet my heart isn’t in it. So i end up trying to psycho myself to do it properly while finding God’s purpose in it. I know it’s not so serious in this context, but i guess past experience does shape current perspectives of similiar context. But God graciously talked to me, and so I’m dealing better with this issue. I realise that much of the discontentment/discouragement/disappointment comes from one of the root source in my life. So now that I’m aware, it’s easier to surrender it to God. It’s difficult to surrender something which you have no idea of, right?

 

Other than that, a little laziness and routineness has gradually creeped in, with it being the 5th week of school and the body adapts to the early timing and constant presence of food (physically and spiritually) so one tends to take things more for granted. So it was a timely reminder by our Dean (who is now back in school after 2 weeks! yay!) to not sink into this state of inertia and miss the purpose with which we came to school for. And to continue keeping that expectation high. It wasn’t coincidence that she picked out a verse that I’ve been thinking of during the weekend either. She’s been doing that so often that it’s sometimes scary.

 

This week is learning all about the Holy Spirit. Which is a good topic. Something much needed since the Holy Spirit is so close to us.

 

Oh i was suddenly reminded that i need to make a trip down to facebook to look at the many photos. I heard that they had a lot of fun during the class outing. I… was asleep at home during that time. But Fun nite’s coming up with their retro theme (what to wear what to wear what to wear) and the 2nd class outing (to Night Safari- for the foreign students). They are really very simple and lovable people.

 

i want to cut hair.

 

I like papa.

My dad came back with dinner today at 8.30pm. We were all starving. Mei mei asked him what did he got for dinner. Outside food is a source of joy for us. Haha. And my dad starting naming off. Cai fan, Hor Fun, char siew rice and laksa. At the sound of laksa. This is how the conversation went.

 

Mei mei: YAY! i like Laksa!!
My dad: NO… I like papa! [laugh] why? cause when you like papa, you have everything.

 

Isn’t it so true..

When we have the Father, we have everything. So no point putting our focus on the gifts, they come and go. But when we have the Father, we will have everything.

 

Just go and do the right thing

Pearle is my Just-go-and-do-the-right-thing friend. And i think it partially comes from her simple desire to be right with God only. In contrast to me, when sometimes I just think too much about the consequences of my actions rather than just doing what God ask. Everyone needs a friend like Pearle, to set perspective right and by her simplicity of facing decision making in life and her trust in God that He will be with her through every aspects of her life. And of course to Wilfred and Pastor Phua who just have to share the right message at the right time. And to God who diligently chase after me, just so that I’ll draw closer to me through this.

It wasn’t a big decision, neither was it a big issue, neither did it has disastrous consequences in doing what God ask me to do. But it did deal with several big issues in my life that I’ve been asking God to deal with. Always, always be careful what you pray for.. muahhaha because God hears prayers.

Anyway everything is over. And I’m so relieved. The big stone in my heart that has been there since Saturday night, lasted through the whole of Sunday and this morning is finally gone. Praise God for His grace.

“Let God face the music with you” Pearle

 

Email for life

Correspondence

Your current student email account with the University will be available to you for life. It may be necessary for us to communicate with you on the detailed arrangements for the Convocation via email. To avoid missing out on important information, please access this email account periodically.

 

i didn’t know! I thought it was nice of them to let us access it for life. Because I sent resumes out using that email address, and i was so afraid that once i graduate, then the recruiters won’t be able to contact me. Then again, the resumes were sent for my internship which is…. 1 year ago. Oh well…. it’s still a nice gesture and i get to keep in contact with my professors. Er, although only 2 la.. but whatever.

 

The police also created this very informative ppt and sent it to all students in NTU informing them about phone scams:

 

1) Kidnapping phone scam (my sis’ friend’s father kena, say his kid kena kidnap but nothing happen cos he called the kid’s sister and she happened to be with the sis at that time)

 

2) Strike lucky draw scam (too good to be true, alot of people already know that it’s a scam)

 

3) Impersonating a police officer / Supreme court scam (I’ve been scared, revealed my name and NRIC number and ALMOST taken in. -_-”’) So yes, i think i know exactly how they operate.

 

I just heard from my supervisor that there’ll be 2 interns coming in next week (church camp week) and one of them will be tasked to do my work! (muahha cos i’m going on leave ma) so it’s going to be quite cool having someone under my wing, even if it’s only for a day. That’s something interesting to look forward to!

 

Oh, i must say that i was very ministered to yesterday while we were out on door to door evangelism. Many times even when we’re doing His work, He’s really more concerned about our growth.

 

Like Jacob

I’m strugging…

To rise above the expectations of others and myself. To rise above the pressures placed by the success of others. To have the freedom to be myself.

Who would have known that it’ll be so difficult depending God. I guess i should have known it when God has to shrink Jacob’s muscle in order for him to fully depend on Him. When he prayed for extra strength, maybe another sword, an army of angels or an increased in boldness and courage, and God… made him weaker.

It’s not something that i would personally appreciate, i have to admit, who’s excited about being weak and dependent right. Trusting is so difficult because it means to release the control you have over that situation. But that’s where Jacob learned that “when i’m weak, then i’m strong. “