Peace

Weirdly enough, since the time I met up with Michelle and the cast for a talk about the upcoming drama and listened again to the song “Peace”. I’ve been grappling much with this concept and it’s been appearing very much in my journal.

 

Dry seasons

They come… after a rainy season. Because if it’s not rainy, it’s dry. haha

 

This week hasn’t been a smooth sailing week i must say. With so many issues important to me at this stage of my life bombarding me at one time, i felt like helpless rag doll being thrown around, hit by the things that come my way. Unable to make a stand, unable to affect my circumstances. What seemed to be a “noble”, “God-inspired” decision, suddenly turns around and slaps me on the face, shoots me at the feet, leaving me with that familar 自作自受 conclusion.

 

But after having a tears-at-the-brim-of-my-eyes,-biting-my-lips-hard,-blinking-my-eyes-so-much-so-that-tears-wouldn’t-fall conversation on the way home, I was given a different perspective. To look at things from another angle, place God’s kingdom and eternal purpose once again at the center of all life’s events and allowed me to see that Christianity is so much more. I went out with certain questions in my  heart, practical issues that one could never run away from. I didn’t ask these questions and naturally don’t have the answers to them. But these questions are tamed down, because God’s currency, God’s kingdom, God’s system is in another dimension where though these questions are valid, they don’t have to be answered before I start moving.

 

Not that i’ve already got all my ducks in a row, not that i’ve already attained it. But i press forward to that higher calling, upward goal in Christ. So that I will one day have that abundant life Jesus came to give.

 

All these are just part of the preparation. May i be ready when He calls.

 

Update

Even with the whole week void of any working activities, i still haven’t found time to sit down and update my blog. Though having a break from work, didn’t give me a break from preparation of worship leading and cell leading. But somehow these doesn’t count as being busy.

School in Tung Ling is starting next week. And very happy at the idea of using the three months to seek God. I’m excited at what i can get out of it. Tired of just the activities and seeking for something deeper with God. Not satisfied with just the doing, but want to know the purpose of why I’m doing the things I’m doing. Not wanting to end up with great accomplishments but still am the shallow person. Sometimes i feel that I’ve been too absorbed or demanded by the activities and programs around that I’ve missed what truly important. And I don’t want it to stay that way.

Actually if I were to have my way. I would want to take a break these 3 months and truly focus on knowing God and myself in the process.

Weekends more hectic than the weekdays.

 

God, save me from myself!

I’m 22, and yet when emotion rages in me. I tend to want to do childish things…

Like lose my temper and scream at somebody, or fling my hands in despair and walk away, or wallow in self pity, or kill somebody (ok la.. i’m kidding about that one..)

But.. what can i gain from that..

 

 

Just go and do the right thing

Pearle is my Just-go-and-do-the-right-thing friend. And i think it partially comes from her simple desire to be right with God only. In contrast to me, when sometimes I just think too much about the consequences of my actions rather than just doing what God ask. Everyone needs a friend like Pearle, to set perspective right and by her simplicity of facing decision making in life and her trust in God that He will be with her through every aspects of her life. And of course to Wilfred and Pastor Phua who just have to share the right message at the right time. And to God who diligently chase after me, just so that I’ll draw closer to me through this.

It wasn’t a big decision, neither was it a big issue, neither did it has disastrous consequences in doing what God ask me to do. But it did deal with several big issues in my life that I’ve been asking God to deal with. Always, always be careful what you pray for.. muahhaha because God hears prayers.

Anyway everything is over. And I’m so relieved. The big stone in my heart that has been there since Saturday night, lasted through the whole of Sunday and this morning is finally gone. Praise God for His grace.

“Let God face the music with you” Pearle