March 2, 2009
… And this is how so very often I get so caught up with the things of God that I neglect the God whom all these things belong.
What happen to not letting this happen to me this year. Despite putting down so many things, i still have much on my hands.
It’s already 2 March yet i STILL feel that I’m not ready at all for the new year to come.
February 28, 2009
Weirdly enough, since the time I met up with Michelle and the cast for a talk about the upcoming drama and listened again to the song “Peace”. I’ve been grappling much with this concept and it’s been appearing very much in my journal.
January 1, 2009
A little too fast to be entering 2009 already. I’m not ready yet, but as if that would make time stand still until i’m ready to embrace the new year. My time frame has been confined week to week with work requirements labelling them. Like this week was training week and my week has gone by in a blur with responsibilities and things to do, and i reach home each day hoping that holidays would come soon. And so….. suddenly 2009 is here.
I haven’t close certain chapters in 2008 yet, and not ready to start anything in 2009. I might take another month just to do that… and so 2009 is reduced to 11 months.
I was unexpectedly required to serve during watchnight service because samuel hurt his fingers. Left hand somemore, it’s totally impossible to play anything with fingers like that. It was different playing last night. Apart from feeling more sleepy than usual. I was on the verge of closing my eyes and shutting off my mind and let the muscles do the job during altar call songs. And i was yawning till i was tearing like siao. So.. i was really tired.. Haha it was waaaay past my bed time. But i was so privilege to serve, the atmosphere was really different, i enjoyed myself so much and since a long time, God’s presence seemed unusually close (err..quite sad ah for me to actually say that)
On tuesday, it suddenly dawn on me that the new students of SOM are starting school next week! ah! that’s fast! and i’m so excited for them. in fact, i wished i was in their shoes, i really don’t mind going through everything there again. it’s like how God seems closer there…….
I JUST realised that Brian is in the stop sniffing glue advert.. i keep watching them in TV mobile and i like them… I consistently like the stop sniffing glue range of adverts and the HSBC ones. Talking about friends, i haven’t spend time with most of them recently. I haven’t gone to any gathering whatsoever cos i just wanted to stay home. Haha, have grace on someone who just started work and still getting used to it..
December 22, 2008
Is my script everytime people ask me to go for lunch.
It dawn on me today then i don’t know why i never liked joining anybody for lunch. It hit especially today because the people who invited me for lunch are those that i quite enjoy talking to and i’m hungry. Yet i still say i don’t wanna go lunch.
My parents did warn me about my tendency to want to lunch out by myself. That it’ll give a wrong impression to my colleagues and by and by they’ll stop asking me out for lunch and i’ll be alone……
Alone alone… all all alone…
So it got me worried. Which is why i suddenly felt the need to have to blog about my feelings regarding lunching out with colleagues. *BIG BIG sigh* what i am to do…
What if they stop asking me for lunch and i have no chance to redemn myself?
What if I’m super anti-social to them?
What if nobody likes meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
At least i have less explaining to do once the 40 days fast comes in. But then again, there are so many Christians in the company that they’ll probably know where I’m coming from…
Sigh… i felt as if i’ve just shot myself in the foot. But why am i feeling so upset over something so small.. Especially since I’ve never had the need to have to have friends in the workplace. It’s just that….. maybe because someone actually pointed it out that’s why it stinged. Or maybe it’s just a carry on from what happened yesterday.. The feeling of small (ness) and out of place (ness)…
arghhhh Goodness! I just amaze myself sometimes.
October 8, 2008
I thought i saw a pussy cat.. ok that was lame, but it just came to my mind as i was typing it out so i HAD to type it out. But on the train yesterday, i thought i saw my guitar teacher.
I learnt classical guitar (for a while only la.. less than a year) from yamaha when i was sec 4. And tend to skip his classes because i’ll secretly go to church in the morning and would have lunch with church mates and so skip his class. Why secretly go church is another story for another time. Anyway… while i was learning under him, i remembered he planned a guitar ensemble for 2 of his classes. And I was part of it! It was sooo long ago, i vaguely remember the details. I just know we played stand by me, and a few other classical songs la.
We were sitted (goodness i actually typed sitted!!!! SAT) in a pattern something like this.
Er:: minus the conductor. I was sitted (AGAIN! SAT!) on the extreme left and was the timer.. muahahha.. and yes we hold the guitar like that. Interesting experience i guess. I’m suppose to have a cd/dvd but i don’t know where is it now, and can’t remember if it’s spoiled or still working.
In any case, my guitar teacher looked really young, NOT what i remembered him to be. Erm, he was the one that told me that to know who’s a guitarist, gotta look at their fingernails. They would have short fingernails on their left hands and long nails on their right. Before the ensemble he told us to leave long nails and if our school wouldn’t allow, he can write a letter to explain! haha anyway So to verify that it was truly my guitar teacher, i immediately looked at his nails while i was on the train. hmm not too big a difference, but yes his right hand nails are longer than his left.
Before i could muster enough courage to go talk to him, i reached my stop. So… suspicions remains as suspicions.
**if you notice the punctuation behind the word “Er”on the paragraph right after the picture. You’ll see this “::” this is transcription language used to denote a dragging of the word. So in msn language it’s shown as Errrrrr. Wah.. i didn’t purposely do that ok, but after doing 2 years of transcription, i guess it comes naturally.
October 6, 2008
Aiyo.. before this dean’s list thing gets out of hand… all because of Pearle’s blog.. (hahaha but i gotta admit that your entry VERY sweet… ) Being in dean’s list just means that I’m very favoured by God and to me, it is really an assurance from God that SOM is His will in this period and He was with me from beginning to end. And He’s just really good to me. Comparing myself to other dean’s lister, i see no reason why i should stand alongside them, except that God has counted me in for such an honour, to no glory of mine. So to all who are really happy for me, like oth, pearle, bee, wilfred, ruth, mary, u5. A great big thank you! What truly matters is that when we go up to heaven, we’re in God’s list.
Oh to all who’s wondering what’s the thing in the present i got, it’s a journal. A very nice, pink journal which i haven’t use yet, because i have alot of other journals. haha.
It’s the end of emo week. A week I’ve given to myself to reminisce about good times in TL and friendships forged, and so one week has passed and it’s time to move on. I was in Changi Airport and weirdly, I took a SUPER out of the way, long walk to the toilet. and this poster caught my eye.
It did, because… all those who have seen the Tung Ling magazine would realise that it’s the same!
see the resemblance… Can’t deny that God has something to say. And He uses really interesting means to put it across. But one thing i really thank God for is that, when He speaks, He’ll say it in a way that we”ll understand and know that He’s the one speaking.
Current Status: Looking for jobs and unwittingly getting frustrated at the whole process of doing it. Now that TL is over and a clear direction is not here yet, can’t help but feel a little lost and helpless at this whole situation. But like i told the cell group, I’ve tasted God’s goodness before and I will remember it, trusting that He will lead me as long as my heart is right before Him.
Anyway today i take a lot of nice pictures for pearle. The $7000 pro photographer say nice ok..
September 7, 2008
I hurt Jesus.
What started off as a calefare role in the upcoming drama spin off so many thoughts and feelings in me. Somehow the scene of “Jesus” cowering down under the rain of bottles and angry stares of the mob never really left my mind since afternoon.
At first, i thought, nooooo how can i do this!! He’s Jesus leh. It’s such a huge sin to do it! Then it suddenly dawn on me. The gentle reminding of the Holy Spirit, the slow realisation that I AM one of those who hurled abuse at Jesus, hurt Him, scolded Him, and crucified Him. I already did the huge sin. If there’s anything such as “huge sin” to begin with.
A God, mighty, powerful, magnificient, worshipped by angels, creator, all knowing, all presence, eternal, yet willing submit Himself to the abuse of mere man – one whom He created, created to worship Him. When i thought about these things today, it blew my mind. Why would He do such a thing? Who am I that He would do it? Would i ever be able to comprehend how much the Father must have hurt to allow Jesus to go through this? How would i ever be able to understand what exactly happened at this point in history?
So… in the light of all these thing. Is it really too much for God to ask for my life? For Him to ask me to give up worldly pleasures and pursue Him? He did it…
September 3, 2008
helllllllllloooooooooooooooooo *echo echo echo* anybody here!? *echo echo echo* *cough cough* all the dust…
I know. I’m sorry. I haven’t been blogging for the longest time. And during the time that I’ve been absent in my blogging. I’m REALLY enjoying school. And that’s like a total under statement.
Forging many friendships, laughing lots, learning much, and starting to miss school already. I was just telling Eufai that I’ve never been so sad on a friday. I’m going to lead my last worship session and say my last devotion. Ah! somebody STOP THE TIME!
Our dean has been telling us day after day, week after week to sieze each day, sieze each moment we have, sieze these last few weeks of school. Because never in our life journey again, will be enter into TLBC and experience what we’ve experienced. And she is SO right. I really want to drink like someone who haven’t drunk for the longest time, eat like I’ve been starving for a year. And just enjoy each moment i have in school. And of course to meet God.
Hopefully, prayerfully, as I leave this place, I wouldn’t be the same person as when i first came in. Desperate to have an encounter with Him. Don’t want to go to bible college but miss God. That’ll be really sad and 可笑.
August 11, 2008
I walked into the photographing studio today and was immediately ushered into the makeup room, which was so girly, because they had huge mirrors and bright pink chairs. And the make up er aunty was in bright pink too. Anyway she helped me make up. I thought my eye shadow was yucky and the eye liner too (cos it was dark blue and not black.. maybe if i had black eye liner, i’ll look as if somebody punched me in the eyes). But if you stand about 5 steps away from me and look, i think it’s not bad..
I had somebody to robe me up and make me look nice and scholarly.
I was so secretly excited in the studio. With the dim lightings. And this guy fussing around me, putting my robe in place and my hair, taming any stray strands, and telling me how to pose and arranging EVERYTHING on me, including my thumbs, fingers, motar board.. I don’t know if you’ve taken studio photos before, but muahhaha i felt very very pampered. I just had to stand there smile and look pretty. No need much modelling genes la.. just smile only. And it did add to the excitement that the guy fussing around me is really quite good looking. *sigh*
My dad on the other hand, didn’t enjoy the experience at all, he felt very manipulated, with all the adjusting of minor things. (eg: relax your thumbs, don’t fan out your fingers, cross your arms, etc, etc.. ) haha maybe it’s just a girl thing to feel that somebody “Adjusting” you.. is actually quite pampering. I’m center of attention leh. Esp for the individual shots. muahha shoik.
And then while walking out of the studio, and seeing the other section where wedding photos were taken. I was thinking that i might like the whole process of taking my wedding photos….PLUS! i was looking at the sample wedding album… ahhh
A girl can dream right….
August 6, 2008
It’s currently 10:20pm and usually on a typical normal weekday, I’ll be in bed by now, either reading something or in the state of semi consciousness and dream world. But it’s different today because I had dinner late (like at 9:15pm) so with all the rumors of gaining weight if one sleeps straight after dinner, i bravely bear the consequences of a less than 8 hours of sleep and venture in to unknown territory of sleeping later than 10pm. This courage was also fan up by the 1hr of nap that i had in the afternoon on the computer table.
To prevent myself from actually caving into temptation, I decided to update my blog with current happenings of my life.
School has been great.. as usual. Except for that minor hiccup on monday when i was forcibly volunteered to lead Singspiration (it’s like worship but more upbeat i guess) on our Fun nite (yes it’s spelled this way). I wasn’t very willing maybe because i didn’t want to get caught into the same situation of doing something just because i had the obligation to do it yet my heart isn’t in it. So i end up trying to psycho myself to do it properly while finding God’s purpose in it. I know it’s not so serious in this context, but i guess past experience does shape current perspectives of similiar context. But God graciously talked to me, and so I’m dealing better with this issue. I realise that much of the discontentment/discouragement/disappointment comes from one of the root source in my life. So now that I’m aware, it’s easier to surrender it to God. It’s difficult to surrender something which you have no idea of, right?
Other than that, a little laziness and routineness has gradually creeped in, with it being the 5th week of school and the body adapts to the early timing and constant presence of food (physically and spiritually) so one tends to take things more for granted. So it was a timely reminder by our Dean (who is now back in school after 2 weeks! yay!) to not sink into this state of inertia and miss the purpose with which we came to school for. And to continue keeping that expectation high. It wasn’t coincidence that she picked out a verse that I’ve been thinking of during the weekend either. She’s been doing that so often that it’s sometimes scary.
This week is learning all about the Holy Spirit. Which is a good topic. Something much needed since the Holy Spirit is so close to us.
Oh i was suddenly reminded that i need to make a trip down to facebook to look at the many photos. I heard that they had a lot of fun during the class outing. I… was asleep at home during that time. But Fun nite’s coming up with their retro theme (what to wear what to wear what to wear) and the 2nd class outing (to Night Safari- for the foreign students). They are really very simple and lovable people.
i want to cut hair.
